


I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark

by letmeloveyou814



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Fluff, How Do I Tag, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Lunar Eclipse, M/M, and brian's posts on instagram, i cried, the eclipse was my inspiration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 19:47:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17607830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmeloveyou814/pseuds/letmeloveyou814
Summary: Roger looked at Brian and realised they were suddenly very close. 'I have to tell him, he has to know how I feel.' Roger had made up his mind. He was doing it. He was going to confess his feelings.





	I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> I was going on holiday at the time of the eclipse and, in order to see it, I had to move seats on the bus and even then the angle wasn't quite right for most of it but still, it was beautiful and it made me cry and I saw Brian's posts on Instagram and the idea for this suddenly came to me right then and there so I started writing it on my phone.  
> To say that Brian's love for space makes me happy is quite an understatement. I've always loved space, Brian is my favourite and Maylor means EVERYTHING to me so I just had to write this. I hope someone enjoys it.
> 
>  
> 
> Title from "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.

"Rog! Rog wake up!" Brian whispered, softly shaking his friend's shoulder.

"What do you want, Brian? It's fucking late." Roger buried his head further into his blankets in an attempt to drown out any noise.

"C'mon! Get up! The eclipse is about to begin, you promised we'd watch it together!" Brian whined.

Roger sat up, fully awake now "Oh my God, Brian, I only said that so you would shut up! You kept going on and on about the bloody eclipse and I just wanted to watch the telly alone!"

Brian smiled "I know, Rog. I knew you'd agree if I annoyed you, my plan worked! Now get up! I'll wait for you upstairs!" And with that, he left the room in a hurry, nearly avoiding the pillow the blonde threw at him.

Roger stared at his friend as he left and sighed. _If I didn't love you so much I would have told you to fuck off already._ He laughed to himself, after all, being madly in love with his best friend wasn't easy at all but he had to try and look normal, Roger promised himself he wouldn't let anything ruin his relationship with Brian, his heart couldn't survive if he lost him. So he tried to look annoyed. He tried to make it look like he didn't find Brian's love of space incredibly endearing. He tried not to let show how warm and fuzzy he felt inside whenever Brian told him about something he loved, bright eyed and absolutely adorable. He pretended he didn't love to watch Brian gazing at the stars forever, with his brow furrowed in concentration, he pretended he didn't think Brian was the most beautiful, adorable, talented and smart person he had ever met. He also tried to pretend he wasn't hurting every single day, having his friend so close and not able to do anything about it. He had to stay quiet though. He had to protect his friendship at all costs.

"ROOOOGEEEER" Came a shout from the rooftop.

Roger rolled his eyes and, smiling, got up from his bed and put on the warmest clothes he owned. He actually was excited to watch the eclipse. After all, Brian had been talking about it for weeks and anything that made Brian that happy and excited definitely deserved attention.

When he reached the top of the stairs and opened the door to the rooftop, the cold January night left Roger breathless and sent shivers down his spine.

 "Tell me again why I agreed to this Brian please. It's bloody freezing!" He complained as he sat next to his friend on a mattress on the floor. Brian just smiled at him "It's because you love me, Rog." He said handing the blonde a steaming mug full of coffee _. I do._

"No, it's because I wanted you to stop talking." Roger looked around at all the blankets, duvets and pillows that were surrounding them. He spotted the thermos Brian had used to serve him coffee and he also saw some snacks next to it. "Brian, it's 1.30, did you sleep at all or did you stay up getting this all ready? And why is it so dark by the way?" Roger asked his friend.

"Sleep? Who needs sleep when you have an eclipse? I just wanted to make sure we were both warm and comfortable so that we could enjoy the show without having to worry about anything. And it's dark because that way we can see everything without distractions. Chocolate?" Brian offered the blonde a Snickers bar, a huge smile on his face that made Roger's butterflies that were in his stomach dance around uncontrollably.

"Yeah sure." Roger took the bar and started eating it. He had known Brian for years now but his kindness still left him speechless sometimes. After a moment of silence Roger found his voice again. "So what do we do now? When does this start?" He asked, looking up at the moon.

Brian checked his watch "It should be about to start in a little while, we only have to wait." He looked at his friend,that smile never leaving. Roger nodded and focused on finishing his chocolate bar and coffee. It was getting harder and harder for him to keep eye contact with Brian for a long period of time so he just tried to avoid it, especially when they were alone like this. After a little while in which neither said much, the heat that came from the coffee wore off and Roger started shaking, despite the layers of clothes he was wearing and the blankets he had around him. Brian eyed him from the other end of the mattress.

"Rog" His friend merely hummed. "Why did you seat all the way there? Come here, you're freezing!" He urged the blonde, opening up his blankets so that he could fit.

 _Fuck it._ Roger thought, too cold to consider anything else and scooted closer to his friend.

"Rog, really. I promise I don't bite." Brian chuckled. "Come here!" Roger did as he was told and moved even closer. His heart started pounding when Brian placed his hand around his shoulders and pressed him against his side, rearranging their blankets so both would be fully covered. "There you go! You idiot, you were going to freeze to death." Brian shook his head, looking at his friend fondly.

"N-no I wasn't!" Roger countered stubbornly, still shaking from head to toe.

 "Whatever you say Roger" Brian said amused. "Rog, look!" He took his free arm from under the covers and pointed to the sky. "It's starting!"

Roger looked up and saw that, indeed, the eclipse had started. He could see one corner of the moon getting darker.

"It looks like someone's eating it." Roger said, only tearing his eyes away from the sky when he heard his friend laughing.

"What?" He asked, smiling.

"Nothing. It's just... It does look like someone's eating the moon" Brian replied, looking up.

Roger just looked at his friend and even though he had stopped shaking, he shivered again, except now it was because of the awestruck expression on Brian’s face that made him look ethereal, like an angel.

"Still cold?" The curly haired boy asked.

"Just a bit." Roger answered and Brian pressed him even harder to his side and made sure that there wasn't a single bit of his body left uncovered by the blankets. Suddenly, Roger's eyes started closing and he drifted off to sleep, comfy and warm.

 

* * *

 

 

"Rog." Roger opened his eyes to see Brian softly shaking him awake.

"Mmm." The blonde snuggled closer into his friend's side. "What do you want now? You keep waking me up." When Roger looked up he was met by Brian's gentle smile and soft eyes looking down at him.

"Look up." Brian whispered. Roger lifted his head and, upon seeing the moon, his breath hitched. The moon, which had been full and bright when they got to the rooftop, was now darker and red, and there were clouds surrounding it and threatening to cover it completely. Roger's eyes filled with tears. He now understood why Brian was so in love with space, why he spent hours in the cold air of the night waiting to see things like these.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Brian asked in a low voice, afraid loud noises would disrupt the magic of the moment and squeezed Roger even tighter against his side. "Yeah... It is..." Roger turned away from his friend in an attempt to avoid him seeing the tears that had started falling from his eyes.

Brian furrowed his brow and looked at the blonde worriedly "Rog, are you okay? What's happening?"

"Nothing it's just..." Roger felt his face going hot from embarrassment. "It's silly, really."

"Rog, c'mon. You know I'm not gonna think badly of you, no matter what you tell me!"

Roger looked at Brian and realised they were suddenly very close. _I have to tell him, he has to know how I feel._ Roger had made up his mind. He was doing it. He was going to confess his feelings.

"I'm a bit overwhelmed, you know? This night has been great and..." _I need more time._ Roger took a deep, shaky breath. "I just... I have to tell you something."

The blonde's eyes were now glued to his hands on his lap which he had placed above the covers; Brian's arm around his shoulder felt like hot coal all of a sudden.

"You know you're my best friend and we've known each other for a long time..." Roger dared steal a glance at Brian, who had his head down and was focused on a loose thread on the duvet that was covering him, but quickly looked back at his own lap. "And we're really close and I love that we are and..."

"I'm in love with you." Brian blurted out and Roger thought he had broken his neck from the sudden movement he made in an attempt to see his friend who still had his head down.

"What..." Roger's heart was beating so fast he thought it might leave his chest completely.

Brian disentangled himself from Roger and tapped his fingers together, his eyes never looking up. "I'm in love with you. And I know this is unexpected and probably very very weird and I understand if you don't want to talk to me ever again but I hope you don't. And I know you don't feel the same but I just couldn't keep it in any longer because it's been a couple of years now and it's so hard."

"Brian" Roger tried, his insides turned to mush from his friend's speech and the way his voice was shaking. Brian wasn't usually a shy person but right now he looked so small Roger wanted to cry. And he was probably about to, judging by the way his vision had started to become blurry.

"And it's always hard but today..." Brian shook his head as if he couldn't believe what was going on. "You got up to watch the eclipse with me and you look so cute and you fell asleep in my arms"

"Brian!" Roger tried again, tears now falling freely.

"And I just don’t think I can resist having you so close anymore and not do anything about it." Brian didn't seem to have heard anything. "And I don't want this to ruin our friendship but I just..."

"BRIAN!" Roger shouted impatiently.

"Are you done?" Brian nodded almost imperceptibly, still not looking up.

"Brian for fuck's sake would you look at me?" Roger sniffed, the tears wouldn't stop now.

Brian slowly looked up, a terrified expression on his face, brows furrowing when he saw his friend crying.

"Why are you crying?" He asked Roger, his voice still shaking. Roger covered his face with his hands, unable to believe this was happening.

"Brian... Jesus Christ…"

"Wh- what is it?" Brian asked worriedly. "You hate me. Oh no you do! What have I done? Why did I have to open my big mouth?"

Roger started giggling and then it turned into full on laughter.

"Why are you laughing at me?" Brian asked.

"Brian. Oh Brian." Roger got closer and softly cupped Brian's cheek.

Brian's eyes were huge as they stared at Roger's for a moment.

"Wh-" before Brian could finish, a pair of soft lips were against his, moving slowly. All too soon for Brian's liking, those lips were getting away from his and he tried to chase them before seeing Roger's fond smile on his face.

 "What"

"You idiot" Roger softly caressed his friend's cheek with his thumb.

"I can’t believe this... Here I was, terrified because I was trying to tell you how much I fucking love you and I didn’t know how you’d react and you go and do the same."

"What? You were what?" Brian looked at him in disbelief.

“Yeah, I was trying to tell you but you interrupted me.” Roger couldn’t stop his tears from falling just as much as he couldn’t stop his smile from staying in his face, he felt his heart was about to explode.

“You… You don’t hate me?” Clearly, Brian was having a hard time processing the whole situation.

“Brian. I’ve been in love with you for over a year now, I could never ever hate you.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes, a smile slowly appearing in Brian’s face as they looked at each other’s eyes.

“Wow.” Brian said, pressing their foreheads together and closing his eyes, a sigh leaving his lips.

“I know.” Roger answered, his thumb never ceasing to caress Brian’s cheek. A thought popped on his mind and he moved away quickly. “Wait. Brian, did you say ‘it’s been years’?”

“I uh…” Brian scratched the back of his neck “Yeah?” He asked tentatively.

“Brian!” Roger hit his arm playfully. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t know how you’d react, ok? Why didn’t _you_ say anything?” Brian asked back, poking Roger’s chest with his finger.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I just couldn’t risk losing you.” Roger looked down shyly.

“I guess we’ve both been idiots, huh?” Brian asked, holding both of Roger’s hands in his. “It’s bloody freezing here and we can’t see the moon anymore” Roger looked up and saw that, indeed, the moon was now completely covered by clouds. “Wanna go inside and cuddle in your bed?”

“Oh God yes.” The blonde laughed as they both got up and started picking up everything to take it inside the house.

 

* * *

 

 

Once inside Roger’s room, the blonde felt warm enough to start discarding his layers of clothes, only a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants remaining. He made his way towards his bed, waiting for Brian to join him, only to realise he was standing shyly at the door.

“What are you waiting for?” Roger asked, a smile on his lips.

“I just… Are you sure about this?”

Roger rolled his eyes “Yes I am, you idiot. We’re just going to cuddle and nothing more, if that’s what you’re worried about. Now come the fuck here so I can hug you and not feel I’m about to turn into an icicle when I get under the covers!” He turned back to get in bed, scooting over one side to let Brian in.

“I’m coming.” Brian took off most of his clothes as well and joined Roger on the bed.

The two boys got closer slowly, nervous giggles leaving their lips, unsure of what to do or how to approach the situation. Roger was the one who finally closed the distance between them, entwining their legs together and pressing his chest against Brian’s, both of their hearts beating wildly.

“Hi” Brian whispered, placing a hand on Roger’s waist, which made the smaller man shiver, despite being incredibly warm.

“Hi” Roger answered with a small smile. “I need to…” He looked away from Brian for a moment, needing to gather his thoughts. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Neither can I Rog…” Brian started but was interrupted.

“No, hear me out. You don’t know how much I’ve wanted this, dreamt of this moment, thought about how it would feel to have you in my arms, to taste your lips, to be this close to you. I just…” Roger felt tears in his eyes once again. Damn it, that was too much crying for just one night.

“Oh Rog…” Brian held Roger even tighter.

“You mean the world to me, Brian.” They looked at each other’s eyes and Brian saw in the blonde’s nothing but honesty and adoration. “I never said a word because I was so afraid you’d think differently of me, or that you’d never want to see me again and I just couldn’t stand that. I’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all. You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just tell you, to just kiss you but I just couldn’t risk losing you.” With that, Roger started crying, burying his face into Brian’s chest. Brian just patiently waited for him to calm down while stroking his hair.

“Love, look at me.” Brian tried when he felt Roger wasn’t crying anymore and cupped both his cheeks with his hands softly. “You will never, ever lose me.” Brian thought that, even though his eyes were puffy and red and his hair was a mess, Roger was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen and he had to tell him that. “I’ve also been too afraid to tell you how I feel because I couldn’t stand the thought of you hating me. You need to know that I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. You are so beautiful, talented, kind and smart and I feel incredibly lucky to have you in my arms right now. I will never leave you, I’ve loved you for years and I don’t plan on spending any more time apart from you now that I can have you.” Roger started crying again, this time with a smile on his lips and his eyes fixed on Brian’s.

“I love you so much, you dork. Thank you for waking me up to see the eclipse by the way, it was really beautiful.” Roger said, his voice shaking.

Brian showed the blonde the biggest of smiles “You’re welcome.” Both snuggled even closer to each other, ready to finally sleep warm and comfortably.

“I love you too, Rog.” Was the last thing Roger heard before drifting off to sleep, a big smile on his face.


End file.
